


Date Disaster

by impravidus



Series: Parkner Week 2020 [4]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Awkward Romance, Awkwardness, Banter, Crack, Crack Treated Seriously, First Dates, Fluff, Fluff and Crack, Fluff and Humor, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Humor, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Parkner Week 2020, Peter Parker is a Mess, Precious Peter Parker, Young Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:00:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25709344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/impravidus/pseuds/impravidus
Summary: Peter and Harley's first date doesn't go exactly to plan.Featuring bowling alley fries, earring eating vacuums, and retelling of hentai horror stories.
Relationships: Harley Keener & Peter Parker, Harley Keener/Peter Parker
Series: Parkner Week 2020 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1862851
Comments: 13
Kudos: 85





	Date Disaster

He wasn’t panicking. He wasn’t. He wasn’t panicking at all.

Peter had been fine longing for Harley from a distance. His friendship was enough for him, and he didn’t want to mess any of that up.

So, when he had asked Harley to go bowling with him, he was mostly thinking it would be a “me and you and MJ and Ned and Betty and anyone else who can be there to distract you from me making a complete and utter fool of myself” sort of deal. But when he proposed the idea to him, Harley’s face lit up and he had asked “like a date?” and Peter, in pure shock and panic, nodded and squawked out an “eep” before giving a shaky thumbs up.

“Friday? At seven” Harley had asked.

“Friday. Seven,” Peter confirmed.

Harley grinned big and bright. “It’s a date.”

“Date,” Peter squeaked, voice cracking.

The bowling alley, as he suspected on a Friday evening, was packed. He would be overstimulated by all the noise if his concentration wasn’t hyperfocused on every word that Harley said.

Peter let out a surprised laugh. “Woah, woah, wait. Back up. You did  _ what _ ?”

“Okay, in my defense, I was, what? Eight or nine? It was Mother’s Day, and Mama had to work a shift that day, so I was watching Abby, and we thought it would make her happy if we cleaned the house for her. Now, at this point, my chores were pretty simple. I did the dishes, I made my bed, I took out the garbage, you know, nothing too big. So I had never used a vacuum before. And the vacuum, it was like, as tall as me, but I knew that that was something you did when you were cleaning the house.

“So, I was lugging around this ginormous vacuum, trying to pick up every piece of lint and fuzz that I saw, but I lost control when I was going around her vanity and I knocked over her jewelry dish and sucked up her diamond earrings.”

“Oh  _ no!” _ Peter said, hand slapping over his mouth.

“So I’m freakin’ out, and I’m freakin’ out hard. These earrings are important, and I mean like, the last thing she has from her dead grandmother who raised her important, and I’m young, I don’t fuckin’ know how to dissasemble a fuckin’ vacuum, and we don’t exactly have a computer, so I’m just bawling, my vision too blurry from all the fuckin’ tears while I’m trying to pull this fuckin’ vacuum apart, and finally,  _ finally, _ I get the thing to come off, but obviously I didn’t do it over a trashcan or anythin’, so now her carpet is just covered in filthy vacuum guts, and I’m just tearing it apart, prayin’ that I find the earrings.”

“And?” Peter asked.

“She came home before I could! She just found me sitting in a pile of fluff, the vacuum laying haphazardly on the ground, while my tears soak into the dust as I rip it apart and make a huge fuckin’ mess.”

Peter held his stomach as he laughed. “Oh my God. You’re a wreck.”

“Well, I know how to use a vacuum now!”

“I sure hope you do!” The two laughed more. “Did you find the earrings?” Peter asked when he finally caught his breath.

“Yeah, we did. She was very touched at the thought, and we  _ did _ clean the kitchen and the family room, so it was a good enough effort.”

“Parker?” The lady at the desk called out. “Your alley’s ready.”

“Ready to get your ass handed to you, Parker?” Harley asked.

“Oh, bring it on,” Peter said, faux confidence to cover up his anxiety.

“Wanna grab a bite while we’re eating?” Harley asked.

“That’d be great,” Peter said.

“What’d’you recommend?” 

“Pizza’s always good. Oh! And the chicken tenders. To die for. But the fries are exemplary. Absolutely iconic.”

“There a story behind that?” Harley questioned. 

“My Uncle Ben used to be in a bowling league, and he would take me to the alley every Tuesday, and I would just eat french fries and watch them play. He was really good, but the balls were too heavy for me, especially with my tiny, frail arms, so I never really got to play. But I just sat there and watched and ate those french fries. They were the best french fries I’ve ever had.”

“You sure that’s not just because you were five and bored out of your gourd?”

“Uhm, excuse you, I was twelve,” Peter corrected.

Harley held up his hands in defeat. “Oh, sorry. My mistake.”

“What do you want to drink?” Peter asked.

“Iced tea for me, though I know y’all Northerners don’t ever get it right,” Harley said.

Peter gave their waiter the order, tentatively looking to Harley with niggling worry that he would stumble over the order. But, a grueling three minutes later, he had successfully given their order (in a robotic, overly projected way) and they were ready to start their rounds.

Harley looked up at the screen. “Looks like I’m up first.” He grabbed a bright pink bowling ball and got into place. He wiggled his ass, sending Peter a wink that left him feeling like jelly, his face burning up bright. 

“And, strike!” Harley announced, doing a little victory dance. “You’re up, Parker. Gonna be hard to beat.”

Peter gave a weary smile before getting up and grabbing the heaviest ball, which, with his superstrength, still weighed basically nothing. Peter bent his knees, trying to determine the best angle, when Harley gave a teasing whistle.

Peter’s cheeks warmed. “Okay. You’ve got this. You’ve got this.” He rolled his hand forward, but the ball stuck. “Oh no.” He shook his hand, his fingers glued inside of the bowling ball. “Okay, just relax, Peter. Just relax.” He swung his hand forward, the ball staying put on the way forward, but unsticking the moment it swung back, flinging it backwards, and,  _ oh no. _

“Fuck!” 

Peter spun around, eyes wide. 

Harley clutched his side, doubled over on the ground.

“Oh my God! Are you okay?”

“I think I heard a crack,” Harley said, voice hoarse.

“Oh, God, I’m so sorry,” Peter said, running to him frantically.

“I think I have to go to the hospital."

“Should I call an ambulance?” 

Harley shook his head, wincing at the movement. “Can’t afford it. Hail a cab.”

“Okay, I… stay here. Or, do you want to come with me?”

“Just get the fuckin’ cab, Peter.”

“Right, sorry.”

At this point, the whole establishment was staring at the two teens, gawking at the spectacle. 

“Nothin’ to see here, folks! Mind your own business!” Harley gritted out, embarrassed.

After five minutes, Peter came back to carefully lead Harley to the cab, the blonde squeezing his eyes shut as he held a palm to his side.

“Nearest hospital, please,” Peter said to the driver.

He nodded, and pulled the car into the busy, traffic filled streets. “What ‘appened to you?”

“My, my, uh, well we’re not, today was our first uh,” Harley closed his eyes, pressing his lips in a tight line. “ _ He  _ threw a bowling ball at me.”

The cab driver gave a judgmental eyebrow raise. “Hm.”

“ _ It was an accident _ ,” Peter blurted out. “I don’t just throw bowling balls at people.”

He just nodded and kept his eyes on the road.

Peter sighed. “I’m so sorry, Harley.”

“Know you didn’t mean to,” Harley said through gritted teeth as he readjusted his posture.

“I didn’t, I swear. Are you... how much pain are you in?”

“Like scale of one to ten? ‘Cause I don’t think numbers can accurately describe the pain I’m feelin’ right now.”

Peter cringed. “Right. Sorry.”

“Give me somethin’ else to think about, so I’m not thinkin’ about this.”

“Did I ever tell you about the first time me and Ned saw hentai?”

Harley snorted. “Oh, God. No you didn’t.”

“Well, we were in fifth grade—”

“ _ Fifth grade?! _ ”

“Yes, fifth grade. And we were really getting into anime because that’s the kinds of kids we were—”

“I think a very important question to ask is which animes you were watching because that will give me a little more context.”

Peter raised an eyebrow, to which Harley raised one back.

“ _ Avatar: The Last Airbender, Pokemon…” _ He ducked his head down a mumbled, “ _ sayhmphmph _ .”

“What was that?” Harley asked.

“ _ Saylmphmmm _ …”

“Huh?” Harley asked, an amused grin.

“ _ Sailor Moon,  _ okay?! I wanted to be a magic girl, and I had my transformation sequence choreographed, and I broke into May’s makeup cabinet so I could put on sparkly eyeshadow and bright pink lipstick and I twisted my ankle doing a pirouette, so I was  _ that kid _ alright!”

Harley stifled a laugh. “Do you still remember it?”

Peter scoffed. “Of course I do.” 

“You’ll have to show me next time,” Harley said.

“There’s gonna be a next time?” Peter asked, looking up.

“Well, of course there’s gonna be a next time. Before all of this, I was havin’ a real good time.”

Peter smiled shyly at his hands in his lap. “Oh. That’s good.”

“So, tell me the rest of the story.”

“Well, we had asked around for anime recommendations on the gaming forums that we were in, and well, someone had said that we should look up “hentai” because it was just what we were looking for. So, of course, we log off and we search it on Google, and we click the first one, and this one looked like a normal anime, right? The site didn’t even have any weird thumbnails or ads, so it just looked like a normal piracy site with normal videos. So this video was like an hour long. It had a real plot and everything. So we’re watching, getting invested in this maid who works for this vampire billionaire—”

“You still remember the plot?!”

“Of course I still remember the plot! It is seared into my long term memory forever. So, anyways, as you can probably guess, the maid was a lot more than just his maid, and we were very, very confused when the chains and the candle wax was introduced.”

“Jesus,” Harley said, chuckling lightly but wincing at the stress. “Well, have I told you about the time I accidentally catfished a grown man?”

Peter let out a choked laugh. “No, but now you have to tell me.”

“Well, I was in sixth grade and I was playing  _ Destiny _ …”

**Author's Note:**

> The hentai story is based on a true story.
> 
> If you want to chat, my Tumblr is [official-impravidus](https://official-impravidus.tumblr.com/)
> 
> If you want to join a Parkner Discord, click [here!](https://discord.gg/vztSVpg)


End file.
